Question to Keep You Up at Night

Controlling? Controlled?

I’ll admit it, I sometimes have a control problem. I like things to go a certain way, I like to understand my emotions and feelings, and control makes me feel confident and powerful. But control can be dangerous… because it doesn’t always work for you.

I’ve spent too long worrying about things I literally can’t change or affect, and when things don’t go the way I want, I can get really frustrated. I know that I would probably be a calmer person if I didn’t try to control everything in my life, but trust me, it’s easier said than done.

I think there is a side of control that is good. If we couldn’t control anything anything, imagine a world were we physically couldn’t control how much we ate no matter how full we were, we could start crying even if we aren’t sad (to be fair, this happens sometimes even with control), or we could sit when we want to stand. I like to be able to control what I put in my body and what I don’t. I like being in control of my body when I dance or perform on stage. I like being in control of my brain as a speak.

But I don’t like falling into the trap of thinking I have to control everything. There are things that are going to happen no matter what I do, say or think. I waste energy and emotions on things that aren’t worth it. There are things I can do to make myself a healthier and nicer person, but bad days are inevitable. Events will occur whether I saw them coming or not. I don’t know if it’s fair to myself to spend time worrying about what is coming. And I don’t think it’s fair to think that I don’t have any part of how my life is lived.

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